Diary: April 28th, 2019

Hi, this is Shire. Thank you very much for coming to my room today♪

It has been a week since my cat passed away last Saturday evening. I was looking at my cat’s empty, dead body and thinking about her all day long on the Easter Sunday. I guess I’ll never forget the day since everyone in the Christian community celebrates the day with joy and Spring happiness. I’m hoping that my cat would enjoy the taste of the beautiful celebration as well as the complete freedom from the physical world.

I’ve been living with her and another boy cat (who passed away 2 years ago) for more than 15 years. Living with cats has been pretty normal for me so that all my physical life including my plans for band tours, short trips and vacations have always been considered their safety as the first priority.

Since the last week, I’ve started re-organizing and cleaning my room. I did throw out many of cat-related goods including an old cat tower, carrying case, many toys, litter boxes, etc. It’s surprising how my room gets and keeps cleaner only after a week… no cat hair, no litter stuff, no cat nails, no vomiting remains on the floor.

I started planning for my short vacation trip (about 10 days) as well. Yes, I won’t need to worry about asking a cat-sitter anymore. I can stay away as long as I wish without worrying someone waiting for me at home anymore.

It is a big change. It may be bigger than what I am feeling right now.

So, I’ve been talking to my advisor a lot in Shamballa in order to keep the memories fresh since I am, in the physical world, soooo easy to forget things quickly. I guess I tend not to spend my sense energy to stabilize such moments/memories against physical remains.

Yesterday, I submit a request to transfer a new, available unit in my apartment community. I’m not sure how long it will take to find an available room, but this can be another big move forward in my physical life. Exciting.

こんにちは、シャイアです。今日も私のお部屋にお越し頂きましてありがとうございます♪

我が家の姫猫ちゃんが亡くなって1週間が経ちました。先週は世間がジーザスの復活祭✨で盛り上がる中、部屋に安置した遺体の猫を眺めながらボンヤリ過ごしておりましたが、切り替えの比較的早い私のこと、ここ1週間で大型の猫グッズ(キャットタワーや古いキャリケースやおもちゃや猫トイレなど)はほぼ全て処分していきました。

掃除するとお部屋が綺麗なままwwで、もう猫毛や爪の抜け殻、吐き戻しの残りなどは一切ありません。「私の部屋って中々綺麗だったかも・・・😅」と今更ビックリする今日この頃です。

今回亡くなった姫猫と、2年前に亡くなった殿下wと、2匹&一人の生活を15年以上続けてきてそれが日常となっていたために、いきなりの変化には多少戸惑いつつ過ごしています。それまでは、バンドツアーも帰省もちょっとした旅行も、毎日の出勤でさえも常に自宅に残る猫ちゃん達を気にかけ、旅行の際にはシッターさん(知り合い)に何度もお願いし、出先でも猫達のことを気に留めない、ということはなく、帰宅するまでどこか落ち着かない気分もありました。

今はそれが全くない。旅行も行きたいだけ行けます。部屋を何日空けていけても心配することはなくなりました。仕事から帰宅しても部屋は出かけた時のまま、綺麗なままです。

もちろん、帰宅の際ドアを開けると駆け寄ってきていた猫がいない、のは寂しく思います。最初数日は残像が見えるようでしたが、これは自分の念エネルギーを消費していると直ぐに分かった(←疲れるのですよね〜💦)ので止めました。今はまだ陰膳を置いていますが、これも猫の49日(21日くらいだと言われています)が過ぎたらもう止めるつもりです。

そう、思い出す、在りし日の姿を投映させるというのも、大体は自分のエネルギーを使っているので、非常に疲れやすくなります。私は出来るだけ避けていましたが、それでも目眩がしたり、シャンバラでもちょっと寝込む感じで休養モードになりました。なので担当に話をしています。自分のエネルギーを消費して記憶を固定化させるのではなく、どんどんシャンバラに記憶を記録して昇華させる。肉体が忘れてしまっても、可愛い猫達と過ごした日々をどこかに記録しておけるなら、自分よりもシャンバラの方が余程信頼がおけるwwと思っています。

昨日、アパート内の引っ越し申請書を提出してきました。いつになるかは分かりませんが、今の部屋は私が猫達と住むために選んだ部屋なので、15年以上経った今、新しい部屋に移りたいと考えています。心機一転。その日を楽しみに、これから断捨離wに励みます。

2 thoughts on “Diary: April 28th, 2019

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  1. Hi Shire, I was browsing in your previous publications… I found this where you talk about your dead kitty and the fact that you got rid of everything that was your cats. I have been living with cats for more than twenty years now, sometimes one of them Leaves for cat’s heaven, but then we welcome another abandoned or found cat. I could not live without cats. They are the huge source of positive energy and keep me so much company… Staying without a cat would be impossible for me. Certainly it is very sad when they die, but perhaps the Japanese mentality is very different from ours.
    A hug 🙂 claudine

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks a lot for your comment, Claudine! Well, some of my friends (American & Japanese) are like you who always live with cats. They tell me they can never live without cats! When my other cat (I had 2 cats initially) passed away 2 years ago, it was sad but was not so bad since I still had one cat with me. She and I became really close after the first one passed which made me feel more sad when she left in this time. I think (at least for a while) I would like to live with the reminiscence of my beloved cats since I could not spend enough time with them when they were around (I was too busy musician to stay home long enough). Thanks again♪ -Shire

      Liked by 1 person

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