Be Loved-1☆愛されること-1

Hi, this is Shire. Thank you very much for coming to my room again♫

Staff members of the blog always say “We do not use/prefer the word ‘LOVE’ in this blog.” Well, I totally understand it because most of us really do not understand what it is all about.

At least, it is not something a couple making love all time or spoiling your children or donating a ton of money to a charity… right? I didn’t quite understand the state “to be loved” by someone really for a long time.

My parents did raise me without any abuse or neglecting. They had enough money, foods, environment to protect their children pretty well. They probably believe they love me a lot. That can be true to their way… unfortunately it was not my definition though.

They did right things for their children, but at the same time, they never allowed me to have different opinions against them. They basically bound me to their biased (fixed) ideas and pressed me to obey them. I even didn’t notice such ideas were “biased” until I moved to the US (I thought that was the “absolutely correct” common sense/moral everyone on the Earth has to obey). Well, that’s fine. I guess my parents themselves were raised such a way too so that they might have not know other ideas.

I can never share my stories & my true feelings with them which is really sad. If I say something against their ideas, they can easily tell me to get out of their place. Yes, their “love” is such a thing.

Some people are not good at expressing their love and care, and I totally understand it. In that case still, such loving feelings should be able to be conducted to the target person since our such thoughts & emotions are the sense energies. I had tried to open my mind so many times with my parents, but all I felt from them was pretty much selfish & conditional emotions. I didn’t really learn what love was all about from them.

My old boyfriends and ex-husband did take a good care of me. They used to tell me how much they loved me and cared about me. Their love was conditional as well based upon the sexual excitement. Without having a sexual action physically, they got really upset and punished me with some pretty childish ways. I didn’t want to think “Love” would be all that sexual excitement, but many cases in this physical world, that probably would take a big role.

Their loving emotion/attitudes were pretty conditional based on how attractive I was sexually to them. I understood that as well and I would never live with the guy who was not attractive to me. However, in my case, the guy wouldn’t necessary be “sexually” attractive if he was humanly attractive to me. Let’s say, my band members are such guys and I am totally comfortable sharing a bedroom with them (not having sex though, lol) if we are on tour.

So anyways, again, I really didn’t get good experience/feeling about love or being loved. It had been all conditional and temporal affection.

[continue to part 2]












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